If you've been involved with International House of Prayer (IHOP) and Mike Bickle, it's likely this is a moment of profound disillusionment, pain, and even... furious anger.

Anger at God, at Mike, at IHOP's leaders. Maybe even anger at yourself.

None of this is your fault. You deserved better.

It is okay to not be okay.

When I left RZIM in January 2021, my spirituality was shattered.

For months, I felt like a zombie - physically present but emotionally absent.

here is so much betrayal:

• A 'prophet' who supposedly revealed visions from God habitually used spiritual language to desecrate others.

• A ministry organized around 24/7 prayer provided an environment that enabled many years of sexual abuse.

• An organizational commitment to 24/7 works of justice, led by a pastor who repeatedly violated women.

It is acutely painful to realize a spiritual hero would so willingly twist faith and the Scriptures to take advantage of others.

And how could it go on for so long? Who else knew?

There will be so many questions.

If you are devastated by this news, it's understandable and normal if the journey to restoration takes a long time.

And it's normal to feel like you will never recover.

Be gentle with yourself.

If it helps, here's one reflection I've had on bitter despair and angry prayer.

https://uncommonpursuit.net/articles/the-prayer-no-one-wants-to-pray

But if these words aren't for you, that's ok too.

I hope you can give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

If you can access it, a licensed professional counselor can help you process this trauma.

My prayer is that you will find safety, restoration, and wholeness.

Photo by Sarah Noltner on Unsplash