Why Be Slow To Speak?

In my extended family growing up, a fast-paced, sarcastic 'joking' was usually needed to get through dinner. As the teasing circled the table, laughter would punctuate the barbs.

It was one of many places that I learned that words had power. The power to gain status, take someone down a notch, win a friend, get a laugh, and have some fun.

At school, I learned that I could deliver the quick hit. Consequently, in junior high school, I remember befriending one of the tallest and strongest guys in the grade. I was the brains and he was the brawn. With him by my side, I could say what I wanted without consequences.

But when he wasn't around? I often found myself wrestling or running from the kids I'd teased.

I'm grateful for my lifelong interest in long distance running, and to have picked up a few tricks for wrestling with my kids, but I regret all the 'jokes' I made at other people's expense.

Let me put it this way: if I was so funny, why was I making enemies?

Take a look at politics. Have you noticed how some politicians use words to humiliate their opponents? Why do they do this? Because we love celebrating with our friends when we get to see our enemies crushed. It's immensely satisfying, and we all justify it.

Somehow, all our justifications seem like kids bickering in the backseat of the car:

"He started it"

"Look who's talking, dummy"

"I was just getting back at him"

"He did something way worse than me"

Does any of this sound familiar? Keep it in mind as we return to James 1:19. It reads:

My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.

For the past two weeks, we've reflected on how God listens to us, and what it means to listen to God. Now we consider what it means to be 'slow to speak.'

As I thought about this simple command, it seems obvious what James means. It's as clear as advising us to think before we speak. To seek to understand more than we seek to be understood. To ask questions to understand before rushing in with judgment. To consider our words before we blurt them out.

So, going forward, are you going to be slow to speak?

If you're like me, probably not. We know James is right, but we're not interested. Boring!

It would be frustrating and exhausting, not to mention weird, to start taking our time to speak. We're habituated to taking charge, raising our hands, interrupting, and using our words to get ahead.

Does James want to handicap our lives? If we can't use our tongues to get ahead, then what?

I can even put it in ministry terms: How can I serve God’s people as a writer and speaker if I’m slow to speak?

But what if running our lips is making us into fools, and being slow to speak is the hidden path to wisdom?

Proverbial Wisdom

As you read through the book of James, perhaps some sections sound like a celebrity self-help author.

What's distinctively Christian about being a good listener and a thoughtful speaker?

But this helps us correct a common misconception: true spirituality isn't only about our relationship with God. Instead, it's about thriving in every dimension of our humanity. (This is not the same as being in good circumstances: rich, healthy, and popular).

Think about Jesus. He was rightly related to God (as God). But he was also fully, beautifully human in his emotions, relationships, attitudes, and way of navigating life. In the midst of polarizing, high stakes discussions with the religious leaders of his day, as well as the poor, the sick, and the demon-possessed, Jesus knew just the right words to say for each occasion.

In other words, to be a mature follower of Jesus is about more than righteousness, it's also about wisdom.

Why else would God give us an entire book of wisdom sayings? For instance, in the Proverbs we read,

A fool’s displeasure is known at once, but whoever ignores an insult is sensible.

Whoever speaks the truth declares what is right, but a false witness speaks deceit.

There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:16-18)

And:

The one who has knowledge restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a person of understanding.

Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent—discerning, when he seals his lips (Proverbs 17:27-28).

The book of Proverbs is filled with jewels like these! But why?

Think about it this way: how can you love God and your neighbor if you are a fool?

Unless we intentionally develop wisdom, we will self-sabotage any effort to honor God.

So let's consider four reasons why we should want to be slow to speak.

First, being slow to speak is a mark of wisdom.

When we rush to speak, we reveal that we think we already understand everything we need to know. t shows we've made up our minds before we've gathered all the information.

The wise people observe our foolish behavior, and respond accordingly. We miss out on opportunities that we never knew existed.

But wise people know their initial impressions might be wrong, that the first explanation might not be the complete one, and that listening longer can reveal crucial details we would otherwise miss.

Proverbs 18:13 puts it bluntly: "The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him."

Second, being slow to speak protects us from unnecessary anger.

If you're wise, you already know this. Anyone who takes the time to meditate on James 1:19-21 will make this connection.

Those who are quick to listen are more likely to be slow to speak and, therefore, slow to become angry. And foolish, hot-tempered people are not likely to act in a righteous manner!

Take a minute to remember the last time you spoke in anger. You yelled at your kids, your spouse, your employees, or maybe someone on social media.

When you acted in anger, had you been quick to listen? Were you slow to speak? Had you processed your emotions? Thought about the other person's perspective? Considered how to engage them with love?

James isn't saying to stuff our emotions. That's it's own kind of foolishness. No, he's speaking from the depths of two millennia of wisdom teachings, inviting us to slow down our words so we don't cause unnecessary damage.

Third, being slow to speak protects our relationships.

What are the benefits of speaking quickly? Immediate relief. Winning the argument. Humiliating someone who hurt us. It is so pleasurable to tell other people what's on our mind!

But of course, quick, thoughtless words are one of the fastest ways to damage relationships. Once words are spoken, they can't be taken back. We can apologize, but we can't make the other person unhear what we said.

Do we really want to be known for throwing emotional hand grenades?

It's a habit that ends marriages, alienates parents and children, gets people fired, blows up friendships, splits churches, and even starts wars.

By contrast, if we're slow to speak, we're choosing to love our neighbors with our words.

This doesn't mean we can never address difficult topics or have challenging conversations. But because the topics are difficult and challenging, we choose to approach them deliberately, andwith wisdom.

Fourth, being slow to speak keeps our faith from becoming useless.

In a few verses, we'll consider what James has to say in verse 26: "If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, his religion is useless and he deceives himself."

For now, I'll just note that James draws a direct connection between an authentic faith and controlling our tongues.

Meditate on the resurrection of Jesus for the next minute.

Take another minute to consider that Jesus has raised you to live a new life.

If you have the time, take another minute to read through James 3:1-18, where James presents an extended discussion about how our tongues can bring great blessing, or deadly poison, into the lives of others.

When we slow down and think through the implications of our faith in Jesus, how can we be careless with our words?

It's common to hear gossip, vulgarity, harsh criticism, mean jokes, bitter retaliation, lies, manipulation, and all kinds of verbal aggression. We're swimming in verbal sewage, but we've made ourselves at home in it.

James knows this. He's serious about it. He's guiding us to be the people with beautiful words.

Why? Because, again, our speech is one of the primary ways that we love, or fail to love, our neighbors.

The people of beautiful words

Imagine if every disciple of Jesus was slow to speak. We each waited until we had discerned how we could love God and love our neighbor with every word we said. We never used our words selfishly, to hurt others, or to blaspheme God. What would that look like?

• Churches filled with deep, trusting relationships

• Each disciple feels less regret from foolish comments

• We increasingly understand each other's perspective

• We're respected for our wise perspective on life

• People trust us to handle difficult situations

Fools think that holding back their words is weakness.

But the wise person knows that controlling their tongue takes superhuman strength.

It's a new kind of life that can only be sustained by the love of God and the power of the Holy Spirit.

In practical terms, it might look like taking a few seconds to calm yourself down before responding to a heated remark, asking questions before jumping to share your opinion, inviting our friends to candidly tell us if they think we are slow to speak, and internally scrutinizing our words to see if they are true, helpful, and appropriate before we share them with others.

Why be slow to speak?

Before I took two days to meditate on these four short words—be slow to speak—I missed the depth of wisdom contained with them.

Perhaps that's one of the best ways to become a people who are slow to speak. If we will take the time to meditate on each word that God has gifted to us, without rushing through the pages, might this slow down our hearts and minds? Help us to cherish the value of a word aptly spoken? Gain the understanding we need to put his word into practice? Change our attitude and perspective?

God loves to listen to us. He's given us the privilege of listening to others.

When we're slow to speak, it's one more way we can imitate our Triune God of love.

----------

Credit: Photo by Eddy Billard on Unsplash